Whenever I think of the now and all what’s become of us, I get flashes of memories. It’s like a frenzy of movie marathons in reels and you start to get all the dramatics, the comedy, and be reunited with all the raw emotions you’ve felt when those were taken. But you are never reunited with the person and you understand that memories are all you have. Whenever I think of what we have become, I am reminded of a philosophy by Scott Fitzgerald. There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.
Getting over you was one of the hardest thing to do because it involved a lot of crying and reminiscing and trying to painfully convince myself that I am going to be fine, that I made it thru those years before you came and I will make it thru again this time, and that I’ll find myself okay again one day. Getting over was the stage where pain was surreal—I felt every fibre of my being torn apart, the ligaments that hold my body in place snapped and I felt that the world is in retrograde. Of course, I cling to the hope that time will help me in this process, that time will heal all wounds. So every day, like clockwork, I allowed myself to be devoured by the pain and tears and be drowned by my silent screams. Every day, just like clockwork, I allowed the nightmares to come, unguarded.
Moving on was not easy. You have no definite time when you can say that you have already moved on. You will not get a Facebook notification or a Twitter ding for it. It’s not as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. And time can’t be forced.
That’s when I learned that for me to get over and move on, I had to let it go. Everything. Let go of the memories, let go of second thoughts, let go of the fear that I’ll never find someone like you, let go of the anxiety and let go of everything you.
Letting go was easy. It started with me burning our pictures, erasing all threads of conversation we’ve had on whatever platforms, deleting your saved files in my laptop, allowing myself to open up to others and accept that they will help me in this process, live and not just act like normal, and conditioning my mind that I don’t know you and you never existed.
It’s an equation: (x)=LG2-Pain, where x is moving on and LG2 is letting go raised to the power of two because you really need extra effort on this.
If you are heartbroken, I want you to know that feeling that pain means you want it to be over and I understand you. I want you to feel that pain, feel it until it’s no longer there. It’s not getting used to it, no. It’s exhausting the feeling until you are tired of feeling it and you are craving for something else, the opposite of it. Burn those pictures or letters, erased him or her as Facebook or Instagram follower, release the anger by deleting everything until you feel better.
Do not wait for time to help you move on and get over; time is an enemy. You have to take it upon yourself to help you in this process. You owe it to yourself to be happy.