You are confused and lost, your mind is a pool of question marks instead of periods. You are torn between two things and you wish you can just choose both. Unfortunately, that is not an option that we can consider. You have to make up your mind and decide. I know it’s hard and deviating and procrastinating seem to be the best solution, but life will bring you back to the same fork on the road and you’ll be asked to decide again.
I know you have very little to none point of references considering this is the first time you experienced this, but I want you to know that everything is going to be fine. The answers are always simple when the questions get complicated.
I want you to understand that love is always based on decisions—we decide to be the better half of another person, a totally different soul, a stranger that we accept wholeheartedly. It’s part of that decision to accept them for who they are and what they are and it’s a decision to open up ourselves to such nuances.
You’ve made your choice eight years ago to be with someone who is stronger than you, who has a lot of experience in being independent, who protects and catches you. You got lost behind his strong shadow and you eclipsed for too long. But you made that choice. To you, that eclipse kept you and made you feel secured and strong; the umbra was your safe haven.
But the eclipse ended one day and the two of you broke apart and you feel like everything is going in limbo and in that moment, you felt it—you felt that things were not making any sense and you got scared and confused. You tried to swallow the lump on your throat but there was nothing. You tried to breathe but the air is alien and unclean. You felt suffocated by your own unbecoming. The world burned and moved and you faded into oblivion.
You are broken and lost in the woods.
That’s when an Angel came in and took you out of the churning waters, saved you from the wolves that chased you in the woods. He pulled you out of cloud of smoke and when the dusts finally settled in, you find yourself breathing again. He took you places and swept you off of your feet, introduced you to the music and lyrics that you never heard before, made you lived a different tale. You found yourself whole again but not wholly.
Your heart is taken by someone who got away. And you are not sure if Angel can supply the holes.
Now, you are confronted with the paralyzing horror of making a choice—to either go back or move on. To find that balance between you and the past or make a new one with the present. Because that balance is a key determinant in making that choice.
But I want you to understand that making that choice doesn’t have to be now. The beauty about life is we have a lot of time ahead of us and we are always given second chances to make a choice. I want you to live life first and find that strength within to make yourself strong. I want you to move forward and explore the possibilities and find your true path. The choice can wait.
I want you to understand that making no choice now is also the choice. And later on, if either of them comes back in a few years’ time, and if you find that you still feel something, more for one above the other, and that person feels the same way about you, then maybe that’s the sign. Time is a healer and you should believe it.