I Am Not Going To Love You In 2016

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I always lend some time to think about you… us… and what it would be like if we’re together like a thing.

That’s the sort of thing that we shouldn’t be saying out loud (like posting them on Facebook and Twitter). Also, it’s the sort of thing that we shouldn’t be admitting out loud: that we are capable of being idle everyday for a certain period of time because we are so caught up in a daydream that has little to none chance of becoming.

We should start to stop doing just that.

We’re supposed to be stronger and realistic than that. I know how the idea of having a significant other to spend all the memorable events in your life can be consuming and flattering but it’s not enough reason to long for it and crave for it.

I admit to missing the feeling of being loved. I missed it in such a way that I know when the world is against me, someone is not. I miss having someone who I can be myself with; to have someone in everyday to utter the words “I love you” without an ounce of hesitation.

But it also comes with a question that we have to ponder on. In our world today, much has been said about love and how magical it can be. Do we take it literally or do we take it figuratively? Moreover, it leaves a pressing question of whether are we in love with the idea of being in love or the feeling that comes with it.

Recently, I have come to a point of telling myself that maybe the universe isn’t giving love back to me yet because I am not yet ready. Ready for what? I have no idea. Perhaps I’m not ready to meet Love again because I have no answers to the questions above yet. Or perhaps I’m not yet ready to meet Love again because I haven’t figure out how not to destroy it with a single struck of jealousy. Yes, I am the jealous type of guy.

That was 2015.

That is why I stopped thinking about you… us… and what it would be like if we’re together like a thing. I stopped daydreaming about us staring at the sunset. I stopped wishing that you would look at me the way I’m looking at you. I stopped making doodles of your name and mine.

This is 2016.

I started thinking about I need to save and be financially prepared for the future. I need to find myself before I allow myself to look for Love again. I started thinking outside while always looking back on the inside for references. I started looking into the bigger picture. I started to believe that the universe is still in the process of helping me prepare for that moment.

This year is where I will triumph all my fears and worries and insecurities. This year will be the year where I will travel and over come challenges that are my demons. This is the year where I’ll be in the present.

Coming to 2016 single is not a problem. It should be an eye opener and an opportunity to grow and learn. Oh! And make lots and lots of money and travel!

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