I Wish I Could

Have you ever woke up finding, not wishing, that you need to change some things in your life? Have you ever wondered what your life would be if you’ve done something in the past that could have prevented the present occurrences and dilemmas?


Well, I have. Countless times, actually. And I know that makes me a douche bag or a discontented s** of a b**** but who is to say that someone out there have ever been contented with his/her current disposition? Who is to say that Barrack Obama never wanted a life out of politics where his family is vulnerable and susceptible to all sorts of threats from the media? Who is to say that Pope Francis wanted to go back to being just a normal priest? Who is to say that my neighbor didn’t want to live anymore?

No one. Even economics will tell you that human wants and needs will never reach contentedness. We will always be in search for something that will satisfy our desires, our blissful wants and our humanly needs. It might seem that we are always going up and are afraid of going back to basics thinking that our basics may be wrong. But who is to say that our basics are wrong?

I have compiled some of the things that I wish I could change in my life. And here are some of them:

  1. I wish I could change my ill-relationship with my younger brother. I wish I could have closer tie with him; the kind wherein I could fool around with him, joke around with him, bond with him and all that.
  2. I wish I could have told my parents, when I was younger, to be strict with me in my studies. Perhaps, that could have saved me from all my ignorance and mischievousness.
  3. I wish I was born with a lighter complexion then maybe I could have developed the ample amount of confidence and I could have done a lot of things in the past bearing in mind I have one less problem to make things possible.
  4. I wish I was straight.
  5. I wish that I could be more expressive about my affection for my parents.
  6. I wish I could undone some things in the past that earned me my ill reputation/image.
  7. I wish I have a sense of humor. The kind that doesn’t have to come planned out rather naturally. The kind that would always result to the best moments under the sun.
  8. I wish I have skills and talents and wisdom like those individuals who I revere.

You see, I have a messed up past and my past is messing up my present and that makes me wonder what my future holds for me. They say that to live a happy life is to live in the present. But does that always follow?

I want to believe that I was put in this disposition, in this point in the whole graph, for a reason. Whatever the reason is, I have no plans of finding out for the fear of messing up the already messed up plot. I just wish that all the ups and downs are worth the tassel at the end. (by Juseph Elas)


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